What is it about 50?
It was hardly a knock, unexpected on a Saturday.
Uncurling from the book, I slowly opened the door.
To Janet.
We called her.
The bunny.
An interior designer wife of a long-time friend, who works for the Asian Development Bank.
They had been married for 22 years, with two kids.
We always thought the family was closer to Neighbours than Home and Away.
From a very suburban Melbourne background, Barry thrust them into the world of the international community, by landing a job in the Asian development Bank in the Philippines.
Always fluffy.
Janet was a scatty conversationalist.
Shapely, with an exaggerated, discordant use of makeup.
Janet was extremely conscious of how she looked.
Always overdressing, stilettos, feather belt, plunging neckline, fake tan, for a drop-in lunch.
Something from the Rocky Horror show.
Janet, took to the expat life role, like a duck to water.
Big house, servants, the husband away a lot.
The full deal.
As I said, we were never close.
I was therefore totally taken aback, shocked, when she turned up at our doorstep in Sydney.
Stammering, I waved her into the lounge
With the obligatory double cheek kiss.
We settled into the lounge
Me landing the drinks on the coffee table, as it looked as though they were going to be necessary from her unsettled, disturbed look.
Janet apologising for dropping in unannounced, on her way back to the Philippines.
She was very nervous.
Fidgeting with a cigarette and a shaky lighter, lighting up and exhaling heavily.
We knew that the family had been in Europe and Barry took the kids back to the Philippines early, while Janet stayed in Spain.
She was just 50!
While fidgeting and glancing furtively around Janet, with no introduction, rolled into a continuous monolog, fidgeting, yes askance, furtive.
I was sitting in a café in Barcelona, taking out a cigarette, on a sunny afternoon, having a drink.
A young, handsome Spaniard pulled up next to the table, on a motor scooter.
Lighting my cigarette, as we fell into a rolling conversation, in broken English.
With the line, I will show you a Barcelona that you have not seen before.
Flattered, I stubbed out my cigarette, left too much money for the drink and
leapt on the back of the motor scooter.
Riding off into the heady streets of Barcelona, fleeing into another world.
This started a two-week, passionate affair, gravitating around her hotel.
The Spaniard was totally smitten, even after I told him of my situation.
Leaning forward, elbows on knees, cupped hands, tears welling.
What do I do?
Staying in Spain was not an option!
What do, I do?
I was surprised that she had chosen to share with us, her intimate secret dilemma.
Most of her friends were in Melbourne, but she knew I was a good mate of Barry’s.
Janet was flighty, but not stupid.
Barry was a wealthy man.
A separation in this manner would sacrifice the wealth and comfort that Janet had now become accustomed to.
Not to even mention the impact on the kids.
Barry, a laconic, laid back character.
Into music, with a relaxed ready smile, was very affable but always conscious of the dollar.
Over a drink one time in Manila, me joking.
Gee Bazza, you are certainly spending a lot of time in Mongolia nowadays!
What have you got in that yurt??
Barry looked past the poor joke, confiding with a straight face.
It would take one hell of a woman to take me from Janet!
Barry still, had not meet that woman!
Adrift, the only viable, unshakable option, emerging out of the silence.
Barry must be told!
He loves you.
He will understand!
In tears, we sculled down the wine, stood, with a big hug.
The plane awaits.
Nervously gathering up her apparel, apologising for burdening us, she left, as quickly as she came.
Closing the door, we were nonpulsed.
We both sat in silence, digesting what had just happened.
This was her last fling, before getting back into the golden cage.
We never, ever mentioned this visit again.
Barry was never told by us.
It was firmly in Janet’s court and to this day, we never knew what happened after that.
Was he told?
How did they work it through?
The relationship continued, when viewed from the outside.
On my visits to Manila and when Barry came to Malaysia, I started to notice a change.
Unlike Barry!
The barbed comments started to seep into the conversation.
Barry, now in Vietnam, started by staying in Hanoi in rolling three-to-six-month stints, renting a permanent apartment, speaking Vietnamese.
AND getting a scooter!
Barry was well over 50.
But again, talking of being over 50 and Neighbours or Home and Away, there is another story.
Vicky’s family was more in the Brady Bunch mould, her brother and I were the same age and
went jackarooing together when we were 18.
Vicky, forever the flamboyant extrovert.
Petite, shapely, self-aware.
Always the show pony.
Confident, Vicky, always sang at the family gatherings, whether in a restaurant, hall or from the back of her father’s truck at picnic’s.
Vicky married into a Maltese Australian family, who embraced her into the fold of their loving family culture.
Absolutely lovely people.
After returning from overseas, I too was invited into the fold.
After years of estrangement, each pursuing our own lives.
Mike, her husband had built up a very successful business in Sydney.
Our paths crossing on a few occasions.
Being in the same industry.
Like a lot of men, his success, directly translated into body shape, rotund.
The good life has its consequences!
His success was showcased in the family home on a five-acre block, beautifully landscaped, gated, with a private lake, gravel drive to a very large, architect designed house.
I was invited on several occasions to a round of large social gatherings at their sprawling home.
The family, from the outside looked picture perfect.
The combined genetic stock producing four of the most beautiful kids, the eldest son becoming a model.
Each kid was very engaging in their own way.
Perfect?
Vicky took up teaching yoga, getting into spirituality.
Heavily.
Having investigated her past lives, she was convinced that she was so spiritually advanced, that this would be the last time in her karmic cycle, on this earth.
How could you argue with that?
It helped that she had the resources to indulge herself.
At one of the family functions, Vicky proudly displayed naked photos of herself when she turned 50.
All very modest, but obviously important for her.
A clear statement.
This was my 50th birthday to myself?
Much later, I was at an industry function, talking to a group of people.
My attention arrested, when from across the room, this guy came smiling, walking towards me.
Shit Mike!
He had lost all the weight, and it simply took me time to recognise him.
Pulling him aside, I asked him how he was, which started an avalanche of despair.
Vicky had an affair with her spiritual guide, then left me and the four kids.
He was devastated, destroyed.
The kids have taken it badly, my parents are devastated, as they were quite old and looking forward to including grandchildren into the family.
I was simply stunned, the dark side of perfection.
Later, through our family, I got onto Vicky or should I say.
Victoria, as she now wanted to be called.
The affair had been very passionate, bringing about a profound shift in
Victoria.
Never getting together with her spiritual guide.
It was just an affair!
She stated.
Although, ripping herself out of the family bubble was important for Victoria, to create her own world.
Something she had never done on her own.
Victoria was confronted, very quickly, with the harsh realities of being on her own, both emotionally and financially.
Victoria, earned a small income from teaching yoga, rotating through shared houses.
Bouncing around lost.
It took years to resolve the divorce, the settlement enabling Victoria to buy her own unit.
But she couldn’t afford to live in it?
She continued bumping from one house to another, Victoria’s sister, providing the initial support to help her through the transition.
It took years for the kids to reconnect again.
Mike, finally finding solace in the arms of another, became an alcoholic, as the business also slid into disarray.
Victoria, the experience etched into her face, looking older than her years, with her effusive spirit, masking depression.
Alone.
She became very aware of the damage, the ripples, that had shaken so many lives.
Resigned to being over 50!